Redneck / Ghetto Seafood

It is amazing how what is redneck is also ghetto. Above is a pic of redneck / ghetto sea food on a platter. Enjoy

And for your edification, pictured below from the archives, is a member of the redneck Special Forces.

Ghetto Hairdo

You see some weird ghetto hairstyles in the tropics. This one was snapped at a fast food joint.

Ghetto Spring Break

I had a blog entry about "Thank God that Spring Break is Over". I tell you, sometimes words fail me when it comes to the ghetto subculture.

I think that this is a Superman variant.

And this hula dancer is a nightmare:

And today's musical offering is appropriately entitled "Curtains" -- incidentally my favourite Elton John song. The way that Elton dressed would fit right in here.

Friday -- The Dead Skin of My Life Today

In Bill Bryson's book, "A Short History of Nearly Everything" (scroll down for the Cosmological Cabbage Book Review ), he tells of how the human being is loaded with scads and scads of dead skin and it falls off every day feeding a plethora of mites and small bugs.

Like dead skin, these are the bits falling of my life this Friday morning. First of all, Sheryl Crow is coming to the Bahamas. If the price of admission is not the equivalent of a few carats of brilliant diamonds, I think that I will go. When cyclist and Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong was dating Sheryl, I thought that he was lucky to park his bike in her rack.


Secondly, I came across the rat trap pictured below on Paradise Island. It was empty of it's poisoned bait. I was worried about what ate all of the poison. The only thing that rat poison doesn't hurt, is rats. They use it as a digestive and a spice.



And I couldn't help but feel sorry for this lady who has lost her dog. One minute she was getting ready to inhale a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts, and the next minute her pooch was missing.
I guess the lesson here is that crack kills.

I was walking along Paradise Island Drive yesterday, and spied a smallish centipede that someone had thoughtfully squashed on the sidewalk. If you are allergic to their venom, they can be lethal.


And finally, I love the ingenuity of the ghetto fire detector.
So that is how my Friday is shaping up. It is just a usual day in Paradise. I have a luncheon meeting that could mean nothing, or mean that I have an incredible business opportunity in front of me that would be a dream of mine. It is just the dead skin of my life in the tropics.

The Ghetto Senator From Fox Hill

The Parliament had its opening session in the Bahamas. The House of Assembly was full of pomp and circumstance. Governor General AD Hanna demitted office and a new Governor General, Sir Arthur Foulkes was installed. The chief justices were their in their robes and judicial wigs. The Vice Regal had his regalia. The President of the Senate wore the robes and woolen wigs as a symbol of her office. Everyone wore their badge of office or their finest clothes.

Except for the ghetto Senator from Fox Hill. Her name is Dr. Jacinta Higgs, and she wore a Halloween costume to the opening of Parliament.
Check out the hat and the gloves.

It was said that this outfit was custom made for her. I think that her milliner was the Mad Hatter who smoked crack. Some people have no shame or sense of propriety -- especially if you are a ghetto senator.

First Impressions -- Back in the Tropics

I have arrived in the tropics and I am dead tired. However, I took my camera and snapped some first impressions. I took a couple of pics through the blinds, outside the bedroom window. In the background, you can see the 12th century cloisters that Huntingdon Hartford III, the A&P heir moved from France to San Diego, to the Bahamas.



Then I went and sat by the beach, and saw this ticket from a gala night in the Bahamas. I draw your attention to the dress code. It says grown and sexy. They have a word for that here. It is called jungliss, which is a contraction of jungalist. In urban talk, it is a ho. We call them painted ladies.

And finally, we have the tacky wedding setup on the beach.
One thing for sure, is that it is truly the Bahamas. Toto, we are not in Kansas anymore.

Ghetto Handyman

This is what happens when you let a ghetto handyman work on your house:

An extension cord would have been better.

I wonder if there is room for one more wire.

The ceiling was too low by a foot.

Missed it by a foot? Use a bunch of spare electrical boxes.

No place to put the sink? Let's make it a sink/shower combo!

Adjustable bracket for any angle.

Long flexible elbow?

Can't mount it on the roof? Stick it in the toilet vent pipe.

There's room here...let's put the u-trap here!

Off by a few inches, just use a couple pieces of wood to hold up the main joist

If these can hold you up then why not here?

How about a light in the shower?

Leaky drain - out of duct tape, then use electrical tape

Who's going to work on this.....if there is an electrical or plumbing problem ???

Upside down - sideways trap

What! The trap is there...just turn your head sideways

Why not just buy some shorter nails....

Don't need a light switch

How about a 360 degree to an inline trap equipped with a u-trap along the way?

How to install an attic vent fan......you require the following parts: drywall, sheet metal, fiberglass batt, wire ties, electrical tape, duct tape and nails

The down spout can't handle the heavy rain then let's help it

If one elbow is good, why not put two in?

Eventually it will become a concrete wall equipped with weeping holes?

Breakers keep tripping so let's take it out

The first one couldn't shut off the water so let's put in a second one

New! sideways elbow!

There's arcing? I wonder why?

Remember, you pay for what you get. Let a professional do it!

War in Afghanistan To Be Over Soon - United States Redneck Special Forces

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the:

United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

These mostly Southern boys will be dropped off into Afghanistan and will be given only the following facts about the Taliban and terrorists:

1. The season opened today.

2. There is no limit.

3. They taste just like chicken.

4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.

5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Afghanistan to be over by Friday.

Applications are available at your local Wal-Mart sporting goods counter.

Ghetto Baby -- Lace Front Wigs

Lace front wigs are wigs worn with a wig cap that are glued to the head, and the hair can be parted anywhere to look like a natural head of hair. Women who use these, do not have to use hair straightener (which is essentially caustic lye) or any harsh chemicals to get straight hair. But to put a lace front wig on a baby -- PURE GHETTO !!!

Grotesque

Macabre

Tacky

JUST PLAIN WRONG !!!