The 45 Lessons of Life

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Cleveland Plain Dealer News, Cleveland, Ohio.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

De-husking Coconuts, Wasabi Peas, Barracuda Behavior -- Life Hacks

Killing Coconuts
So you have to de-husk a coconut. Where do you make the first cut. I have discovered by trial and error to cut the knobs off at the top. They are the easiest to chop off especially when the coconut is fibrous. Then I sink the machete on a vertical plane around the coconut, and stand the coconut on its pointy end. I then start chopping off the husks with downward slices.

This is particularly useful information for inhabitants of Canada, Iceland, Siberia and countries that do not see a lot of coconuts. If they come across a coconut tree growing on some forgotten fjord near the Arctic Circle, and are hungry, with this information they can survive. You are welcome.

Clearing Sinuses

Things are hellishly expensive in the tropics, especially snacks and "oddball" stuff. I am constantly on the lookout for relatively low calorie snacks, and wasabi peas fit that definition. When a local supermarket put them on sale at a $1.59 (US funds) a bag, I bought a pile of them. The usual price is about $189.99 per bag (OK, it is about $4.99). I tasted them and they didn't taste like seawater or motor oil, so it wasn't a shipment that fell into the harbour or off a dock somewhere.

So I snack on these things. I have a life hack though. EAT THESE THINGS ONE AT A TIME. The wasabi is not evenly distributed and you might get a super concentration of wasabi that takes your breath away, brings tears to your eyes for five full minutes, burns the inside of your mouth out, and makes you feel like you are being choked in hell.

The only positive after an episode like this, is that your sinuses are crystal clear.

Barracuda Behavior

Barracuda are scary. I was at the appropriately named Jaws Beach, and there was one as big as me, swimming around with his mouth open, displaying an amazing array of teeth that were pointed in all directions. One of our directors owns a boat and regularly goes fishing to the out islands. He witnessed a large barracuda attack on a dolphin ( a porpoise) that cut the dolphin in half.

Barracuda know that they are the apex predator. When I shoot at little ones with my Hawaiian sling, they duck the spear, and follow it down to see what the hell it was. When you shoot at other fish, they hightail it out of Dodge.

But I have noticed some peculiar behavior. Last Sunday, I tested my theory and it seemed to hold. I was spearfishing around this little coral outcrop that actually came above the surface of the ocean. It was a tiny little island the size of a patio. As I went around to the leeward side of the island, there was a cloud of barracuda -- maybe about 25. The amazing thing is that they were of four different sizes. There were the small guys, less than the size of my forearm. Then there were the medium guys, about the length of my arm. These were the most plentiful. The large guys were close to four feet, and there was a giant, about 5 feet long. They were just cruising, doing a lot of nothing. They were incredibly curious about me.

My theory is this. If you come to an apex predator in the ocean, and you want it to go away, you act like a larger predator. You don't want to make a lot of noise, or create a ruckus. That is what the little guys do when they are afraid. Also, you don't want to back away, because they follow you. That is prey behavior.

What I do is quietly advance on them. I do not do it in an aggressive fashion, because they have the fight or flight mechanism. If you come on too aggressively, they may choose to attack.

So I imperceptibly advance toward them. I do not splash with my fins. I do not extend my arms (don't want to offer bait), but slowly and surely I advance on them. They always retreat. I keep going until they move away completely, and then I turn around.

If this blog ends abruptly one day, you will know that my strategy has failed. But for now, so far so good.

This reminds me of the guy who fell off a sky scraper. As he fell passed each window, the occupants heard him say "So far, so good".

Life Hacks -- Getting Fiberglass Fibers Out of Your Hands

Yesterday, I was repairing a leak in the garage roof. I was using tar paper that was made with fiberglass fibers. The work gloves that I had were too bulky. So I used my bare hands. Big mistake. The tar paper shed tiny microscopic shards of glass that stuck into my skin. It was painful. You couldn't see the particles. They were that small.

I tried washing my hands. To no avail. I tried scrubbing them with a pot scrubber. It made the little shards go deeper into my skin. I tried using rough coarse salt as a scrubbing agent. I tried immersing my hands in olive oil to float off the shards. It didn't work. I tried skin lotion and liquid soap.

Finally, I soaked my hands for half an hour in the bathtub with the hottest water that I could stand. This was to open up the pores. Then I dipped my wet hands in whole wheat flour. The flour clung to my hands. I started rubbing my hands together, and the flour clumped and turned to dough. It still stuck to my hands. I had to roll the dough around until it formed up into a real resilient, plasticine-like consistency. As I rubbed it around it clung to my skin, and it removed the fiberglass shards from my skin.

Problem solved. Another little life hack. Next time, I will wear gloves.